To be or not to be ...a Mom

That is the question. I have always wanted children. I will not go into the whole long story now. I will save that for another day. The bottom line is I am 45, my husband is 50 and we are childless NOT by choice. That clock is ticking and ticking and I don't know what to do. We have wanted a family since we married 12 years ago. The only viable option remaining is adoption. Adopting a baby would be extremely difficult (although not entirely impossible) as well as financially prohibitive. The logical solution would be an older child who is eligible for adoption from the foster care system. We have researched this option extensively and even attended mandatory preparation classes 8 years ago. We did not go through with it at the time because things were unstable (employment, relocation, etc.).  Parenting an older child who has been through the system is not the same as starting with a newborn. With a baby there are no guarantees for the future, but with an older child we would already be starting from a disadvantage. I feel that my husband and I have plenty of  love to give but don't know if that would be enough. Sometimes I think that there would be nothing better than helping a child in need, and other times I think that we would be crazy to take on this often thankless challenge at this stage of our lives.

As I write this I am realizing that it is all about fear. There are many reasons why we should adopt an older child from the public system. On the negative side the main problem is fear of the unknown.

Let's give this a try...

So, I am really late to this whole blog thing. I guess I am just a late bloomer overall. I am not sure what the point of this blog is yet. Maybe it is just a diary for me or maybe it will evolve into something else. There have been some big life changes this year including moving to a small town where I do not know anyone (except my husband), buying a first home, and changing jobs. The big questions facing me at this time revolve around fitness/weight, money/debt, career path, & the biggie  - to adopt a child (or children) or remain childless. I have no idea what the future has in store for me so let's just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.